A Comedy of Errors

As I didn't do much actual racing, this isn't your typical race report.  It's more of a...pre-race report...

We all know how tapering goes.  Exercising less.  Hungry all the time.  Anxious about the upcoming event.  Every little twinge is a possible torn muscle.  Barely able to hold it together until race day.  This time was no different for me.  Hunter and Joy came down with a head cold 7 days before my race, so it was not a question of if, but rather when, I would also contract this nasty little bug.  However, Joy was so stressed about me possibly getting it and it affecting my race, when my symptoms started 48 hrs later I didn't say anything.  And as H definitely took the worst of it I think she was so distracted with him that I managed to make it all week without her noticing.  No since stressing her even more, she's already sick and caring for a sick baby!  After a couple of days of little sleep and feeling like crap I actually felt pretty good race morning, so it was all good.  At least from that stand point.

I had my usual pre-race checklist, went over it multiple times, and had it all packed and ready for the drive over Friday.  I left in plenty of time for a leisurely drive, and made it to OKC and the race site about 4:30.  To see the insanely long line waiting for the mandatory athlete meeting.  Nope.  Not doing the waiting thing, so just turned around and drove to the hotel, only 10 mins away.  Checked in, grabbed dinner at 5:00 like usual, stopped at Panera to grab a bagel for race day breakfast, and then to the grocery for Gatorade and OJ. Quick stop at the hotel to drop off the stuff, then back to race site.  Line much shorter, but still stood there for a while waiting for the current group to leave the briefing tent.  The website said brief meeting, 1-5 mins.  Ours took 23.  Minutes.  The one in front of us took 28.  Yes I counted.  But after the meeting the rest of check-in was a breeze; got my swag bag, checked in my bike, saw Bird, one of several of my wicked fast teammates, and chatted for a few before heading back to the hotel.

  7:30pm.  Finally at hotel and getting stuff together. Tri-suit, check.  Shoes, check.  Sunscreen, ch...well sh*t.  So it's back in the car, and back to the grocery store.  Same girl at the checkout counter.  "Hey you were here earlier, I remember that little kiddie blue band aid on your thumb."  Me, stupidly, "Yup that was me.  Last trip though."  She smiles, "Until you remember something else you forgot, right?"  I laugh, stupidly, "That's right!"

Several minutes later, back at the hotel and trying to calm down.  Decide to go ahead and shower before finishing getting everything together.  

8:45pm.  Back to it.  Hat, check.  Goggles, check.  Body glide.  Wait, I KNOW I packed the stupid body glide!  Where is it??  A frantic search through both bags, under car seats, in the trunk...reveals no body glide.  Son of a nutcracker!(Elf reference)  Expo closes at 9:00, so no way I'm getting any there.  After consulting my wise coach, she sends me BACK to aforementioned grocery store for Aquaphor.  Luckily, my buddy has since clocked out, saving me any further embarrassment.  Unluckily, they do not have Aquaphor.  So another quick drive gets me to CVS and I'm finally set.

9:30pm.  Back in the room and FINALLY ready for the race.  A few minutes of FaceTime with my sweet wife and boy, then lights out.  So much for an easy rest filled night before the race! 

Race morning.  Wake up and hop out of bed.  As I'm taking my shirt off, somehow manage to tweak a muscle in my right shoulder.  Obviously a torn labrum, right?  I just shake my head and imagine myself swimming with one arm...  Uneventful breakfast and drive to the race.  Now, they have us parking about 1/2 mile from transition.  I always, ALWAYS take my own bike pump.  But I have a long walk and a heavy backpack and they have assured us they will have pumps at bike support.  So I leave my trusty bike pump in the car...

So after getting everything set up, I take my bike over to bike support.  One guy hooks up a pump, seems to be having trouble.  I hear air leaking out of my tire as he fumbles with the connector.  After attempting several times he looks at me sheepishly and says, "Let me get someone else."   The next guy seems more nimble-fingered, but alas, he also can not manage to effectively pump any air into my front tire.  He has the same result with the rear.  "I think there's something wrong with your tires, man."  "You're right," I think, "you let the air out of them.  I came over here with about 120psi and now I have about 80.  Thanks!" 

I head back and rack my bike, and grab Bird, who's about 10 bikes down.  He, smartly, brought his own pump.  I have him hold the connector while I pump, and we quickly have the problem rectified.  Because I haven't bugged him enough, I decide to go all in.  "Hey man, you got any body glide?"  I quickly explain its only for my timing chip, and not for any of my nether regions.  Still skeptical, he slowly agrees and hands over the goods.  

The rest of pre-race goes well, and before you know it I'm in the water waiting for the start.

SWIM:  Overall not bad.  Started off a little slower than usual but felt really strong throughout.  I lost the lead pack rather quickly, and as such spent a good portion of the swim by my lonesome.  I finished in 36:09, and I'm not in my best swim shape, but I knew with that time it had to be a bit long.  Think I was 7th in my AG out of the water.  But the main thing was how GREAT I felt coming in to T1.  No lower back or hamstring tightness, breathing and HR nice and steady. Lets get it ON!

T1:  Wetsuit strippers were amazing and set me up for a quick T1.  Got to my bike, wetsuit down, socks on, pick up my left bike shoe...and out falls my body glide.  Not one to pass up comfort or a fortuitous turn of events, I quickly unzip my tri suit, reach down and apply liberally :-).  Get everything else situated, grab my bike and head out of T1.  Get to the mount line, put my hand on my aerobar, and notice it's very bouncy.   I look down and see that my front tire is flat.  Completely. F'ing. Flat.  After a short litany of expletives, I turn around and head back into transition.  At this point I'm thinking, surely it's not a leak?  Maybe I just left the valve open or something.  Bike support quickly pumps it up(no trouble this time, different guy), I pray that's all it is, and head out again.  

BIKE:  Did I mention how good I felt?  I quickly put the hammer DOWN man.  Usually I have to take the first 15 mins to settle in and get the back and hamstrings in line, but today I was just able to lay into it from the get go.  I was able to start picking people off immediately, and had no one pass me.  Then a little after six miles I hit a bump in the road and it felt a little jarring.  Sh*t.  Continued to ride but after two more bumps I could tell it was almost out of air.  I sat up and coasted/cruised to the next intersection where there was a cop directing traffic.  Hopped off, hit my lap button, and started getting down to it.  Took a bit of work to rip the tubular off, but still managed to get all my stuff off the bike, tube off the wheel, and ready to switch the valve extender in under five minutes.  So off comes the valve extender and I go to put it on my spare...wait a minute.  My spare is your standard presta valve.  Apparently my race tubular isn't.  Who uses this crazy-@ss sh*t anyway?  Apparently the guy who I bought the wheels from 3 years ago did.  I've never had a flat before with these wheels, so why would I take a perfectly good race tire off my race wheel to know it wasn't a standard valve extender and presta valve.  I look around in slowly dawning disbelief--my race is over.  My RACE is OVER!  GGAAAAAAHHHHH!!  I want to start flagging racers down, HELP ME!  But help me, how?  Anybody got a spare valve extender lying around?  Idk, maybe people have a valve extender already put on their spare tubulars.  I just always assumed I'd switch it out if I ever flatted.  I have yet to see a SAG car so I just gather my things and start slowly walking back towards transition.  At least I got to cheer on my teammates as they came riding by! 

                                      EPIC. FAIL.  

I eventually make it back to another intersection, and see not one, but two SAG cars.  Sweet!  They are helping a man take his front wheel off.  I start chatting with him while they load his bike up- turns out he took a nasty spill and ended up with a concussion.  At least I didn't have that happen as well!  He asked about me and I told him my sob story--he offered to let me use his front wheel!  How freaking cool is he?!  I looked at my watch-48 minutes since I hit the lap button.  I said thanks, but I was ready to call it a day too.  

Let me just say I'm not complaining about the SAG AT ALL.  Everyone was very helpful once I got to them.  Turns out there were a couple of other nasty crashes in addition to the one I walked back to, and so they were busy with those people, as they should have been.

Upon my arrival back to transition, as I walked by bike support they asked what was going on, so told them my story.  They pulled out a standard valve extender and said, want to change it and get back out there?  Ummm, no thanks...

In hindsight, maybe if I'd stayed in T1 and attempted to change it out then, I could possibly have gotten a valve extender, and gone on to have a great ride and finished the race.  Or I could have flatted again at mile X with no spare.   

Lessons learned:

ALWAYS bring your own pump

KNOW your equipment: don't assume anything

A true friend can be coerced will let you borrow their body glide